Suddenly, I have the urge to define or redefine my life. What have I done? How much have I done? How much more do I have to do?

It looks like I'm leading the way; but, is it really so? Or do I really mind whether I'm a saviour or only a passer-by in the journey ?

I thought I could forego the returns. I thought I could really let go of all the attachment. I thought I could laugh off all the hiccups and breeze through the stops without regrets. However, I think I'm wrong. I haven't seen any light on the other side!

I'm tired and without a focus. I want to ignore the others but myself. I want to break off from the locks and latches. I think the hermit nature of mine is emerging. But, the other side of me is still laboriously going steady with the routine, the job and the so-called responsibility! It is still wearing the hypocritical front without showing the slightest sign of slowing down!

The unseen tug-of-war has been going on and I've forgotten since when I've started to notice it. And, I know most of the time I try to ignore its existence. Well, the call for duty and the urge to chase after my dream split me! What is the best solution to this philosophical problem? Maybe, I'm too free and my mind starts wandering.