It's disillusioned. Now only I realised that I have high hopes and I'm too naive to try to change the environment. The sense of loss is disillusion.

There are some around me think that I'm a perfectionist. But, I know I'm not! I only believe that if I haven't tried I won't be satisfied.
I'll take every task no matter how insignificant it is seriously and complete within my means. I want to experience the process because I believe if I've put in my best in the process, the end will be well taken of. So, I don't really worry for the end. But, I realise that it is not the way others believe. They don't bother with the means but only the end. So, in order to get to the end, they will do all means even against the conscience.

That's why I feel I'm a misfit. I feel alienated in such environment. Consequently, a simple-minded person like me will invite attacks for no apparent faults. Hence, I'm disillusioned.

Nevertheless, I have faith in karma, even until now. That cheers me up a bit, really. Maybe one day, I should renounce the worldly ugly illusions and be on my way in search of peace and vision in my life. I don't like to talk about this to anyone because I know no one will understand, not even to those who are close to my heart.

Now, I'm feeling a bit better. I know I need to review my vision and remind myself of my bearing from time to time. I need to have strong faith to keep myself to go on.