It's disillusioned. Now only I realised that I have high hopes and I'm too naive to try to change the environment. The sense of loss is disillusion.

There are some around me think that I'm a perfectionist. But, I know I'm not! I only believe that if I haven't tried I won't be satisfied.
I'll take every task no matter how insignificant it is seriously and complete within my means. I want to experience the process because I believe if I've put in my best in the process, the end will be well taken of. So, I don't really worry for the end. But, I realise that it is not the way others believe. They don't bother with the means but only the end. So, in order to get to the end, they will do all means even against the conscience.

That's why I feel I'm a misfit. I feel alienated in such environment. Consequently, a simple-minded person like me will invite attacks for no apparent faults. Hence, I'm disillusioned.

Nevertheless, I have faith in karma, even until now. That cheers me up a bit, really. Maybe one day, I should renounce the worldly ugly illusions and be on my way in search of peace and vision in my life. I don't like to talk about this to anyone because I know no one will understand, not even to those who are close to my heart.

Now, I'm feeling a bit better. I know I need to review my vision and remind myself of my bearing from time to time. I need to have strong faith to keep myself to go on.

I'm lost in my routine. I don't really know whether I'm happy or unhappy. Sound pathetic with a tinge of loss.

I realise I'm moving in a cycle and I can't find an outlet to break away from it. Nobody can really understand my feelings; or, maybe I don't wish to share with anyone at all.

I don't think anyone would understand the pent-up mood and feelings I'm experiencing. Can I call it frustration? Disappointment? I don't know, really.

This lousy sense of loss is eating me. I should be satisfied with my life as a lot of people around would assume. Am I too greedy? I don't know? I don't think this kind of life satisfied me at all. What do I really want? Sometimes when I'm drowned with work and I can avoid people, I'll feel better. Yes, at times, I'm trying to escape from the people around me.